Anxious Trail

Nothing comes close to the tightening feeling of anxiety, especially when you have nothing to do. It feels like your head, the brain, the skull, the surrounding skin, has got a sentience of its own. It considers you not having anything to do with, you having no drive in your brain. It thinks you have no thoughts.

You then start to feel like your head is shrinking, and shrinking, as if the head is trying to cover the “empty places” so that in the end, you only get to use the area that the head thinks you have.

This is kind of the feeling that I sometimes grapple with every day. Even today, when I don’t have any tasks right now. I am writing this article in an attempt to keep my head filled so that it does not start to tighten.

The words above might feel too fashionable and metaphorical to some, but to those who grapple with constant anxiousness about where their life is heading, the same words could be akin to looking in a mirror.

Why does it happen?

Is it because of feeling inferior, or is it the same “childhood trauma” stuff that psychologists on every podcast talk about? Or is it something good that is often seen as bad?

Your Head Must Feel Light All the Time.

It is a blissful state to go into thoughtlessness.

If you feel the pressure, it means you don’t want to be here.

 These were the terms of life coaches and gurus that drove me to always look for solutions (I sought them all on YouTube, and did not pay for them). And they always pushed me into the pursuit of something that a creative mind like me cannot do, ever: stop thinking.

Fortunately—or unfortunately—it is that realization that helped me calm my mind. As soon as I stopped giving a fuck about whether my head feels light, whether I have work today, whether I have a long-term plan or enough money to buy a new house, I felt calm.

The trail of anxiety taught me acceptance. Realizing that when work pressure hits, the work will be done has helped me move forward.

The secondary part: the environment

You’d want to “not give a fuck,” but the surrounding environment won’t let it happen.

“Why aren’t you worried about the future?”

“Why aren’t you getting paid on time?”

These questions will put you on the anxious trail again. So what’s the solution? These questions need answers. The “not giving a fuck” attitude comes into play while moving forward with them.

Analyze the present without obsessing over shortfalls while carving the future.

And when it comes to not getting paid on time, ask why—clearly and repeatedly—until the full information arrives.

That’s the beauty of not giving a fuck.